for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize