He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
