i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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