guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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