The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
