She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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