can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
