Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Still dying that you shit outside
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
