guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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