I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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