last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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