I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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