I wish I could punch you in the face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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