I could make wine with my vomit
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
