96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
