she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
