I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this will be a night to untag.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
