she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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