Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
