Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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