Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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