i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
