Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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