now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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