When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
