idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
