sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
