Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
