just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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