I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
