my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
