I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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