He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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