you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
