Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
