my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
