haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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