Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
