I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
