its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
