Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
