you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
