I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
