she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
