i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
