I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fuck appropriateness.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
