Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
