mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
