I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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