Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Where are you guys?
Drunk
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
