And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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