Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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