I met the friendliest cop last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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