White coat. Heels.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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