this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
