what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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