I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
