smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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