I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
