Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
