He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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