My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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