Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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