I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
