You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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